How To Make Friends, For Adults
Imagine this: you’re out of college and graduate school, you’ve found a career that you love, and a nice apartment or house in an expensive city that promises many cultural rewards and social opportunities. Perhaps you have a partner, or are trying your hand at online dating, sifting through the seemingly endless pile of candidates. Perhaps you are married or have young children. You spent much of your twenties making mistakes, staying too long in bad relationships, and mo
When To Fight And When To Let Go
In relationships it can be hard to know when to stand up for what we need, and when to surrender. Long-term committed relationships only work if we accept our partners for who they are, but they also only work if both people are willing to bend for one another. Where is the line? When do your expectations become unreasonable? Even if they are reasonable, how useful is it to fight over them not being met? Too much righteous fighting can lead to a climate of hostility, reactivi
What Is Your Love Language?
Do you know your love language? The idea of Love Languages was conceived and popularized by Gary Chapman in his bestselling book, "The 5 Love Languages". As a therapist, I find many self-help books to be under-informed and oversimplified when it comes to understanding human psychology, but Chapman has provided us with an extraordinarily useful way of understanding how we show up in our intimate relationships and how simple adjustments can lead to much greater fulfillment for
Negotiating Sex In Your Relationship
It is common knowledge among psychotherapists and researchers that the areas of highest conflict in couples are money, division of labor, and sex. I’d like to write some thoughts about sex in relationships because it has been arising as a frequent topic of conversation in my practice, and I believe the issue is so much more complex than most people tend to think it is. A couple disclaimers: First, this blog post is mostly concerned with intimate monogamous romantic relationsh
Is Your Relationship Not What You Thought It Was?
Most relationships begin with abundant sparkle: the connection is electric, the laughter deep, the sex fantastic and plentiful. In the beginning stages, both partners on their best behavior -- and it seems unfathomable that you might ever be irritated, hurt, disappointed by, or angry with your beloved. You won't be like all those other couples who seem unhappy half the time (or more!) Eventually, usually, something changes: sometimes in a single disillusioning moment and some
